THE BRO-MAGNET by Lauren Baratz-Logsted

Author:Lauren Baratz-Logsted [Baratz-Logsted, Lauren]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: relationships, Mets, comedy, England, author, Smith, man's, Romance, funny, Fiction, Marriage, York, man, jock, New, John, Sports, Love, best, Adult
ISBN: 2940013836280
Publisher: TKA Distribution
Published: 2011-12-09T01:49:05+00:00

Self-Help

“You need to call her and invite her out again,” Sam says.

It’s Sunday morning, breakfast at my place. Where else would we be? Sometimes I even forget Sam’s got her own place.

“Since when did you become an expert on women?” I ask.

“I’m not an expert. Far from it. But you take this woman on a date and at the end of the night you shake her hand? You make no specific plans to do anything in the future, you don’t even vaguely say ‘I’ll call you,’ which everyone knows is almost always a lie, and then you shake her hand? She’s going to think you don’t like her. You do like her, right?”

I mumble something into my cereal because I don’t want Sam to know just how much I do like Helen. It’s scary liking someone this much.

Sam wisely interprets my mumble to mean yes.

“Then call her. Ask her out again.”

Sam’s right. If I’d tried to kiss Helen and she’d turned her head to the side, I’d think she didn’t like me. Me? I didn’t even try. What’s Helen supposed to think?

Without giving myself a moment to rethink myself, I go to the phone, punch in the number.

“Hello?” Helen answers right away.

“So listen,” I say, ever the smooth operator, “I was wondering – you want to do something together today?”

“I can’t. I already have plans.”

“Oh, OK then, thanks.”

As I hang up, I’m wondering: Who’s she got plans with – Monte Carlo?

Sam shakes me out of my jealous reverie by punching me in the shoulder.

“Ouch!” I rub the spot. “What was that for?”

“Schmuck,” she says. “What was that all about?”

“What? I called her like you said I should, asked her out, she said she had plans.”

“And you let it go at that? Anyway, who calls on a Sunday and asks the girl out for the same day?”

“Like you know what people do?”

“I know enough not to do that. And if I did do that, I wouldn’t be so stupid as to say, ‘Oh, OK then, thanks.’ Schmuck.”

“Don’t hit me again!”

“Call her back. Ask her out for a day other than today. Schmuck.”

“All right already. Just don’t hit me again!”

I pick up the phone again, punch in the number again.

“Hello?” Helen says.

“Listen, I understand you already have plans today. It was very inconsiderate of me to assume you wouldn’t. So I was wondering: Would you like to do something together at some future date?”

“When did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know. I was thinking” – I look over at Sam, who mouths the word Saturday. “Next Saturday,” I say.

“What did you have in mind?”

But I got nothing in mind. When I came up with the opera last time, I shot my load.

“I don’t know,” I say. Then I ask-answer, “Something?”

“That could be good,” Helen says.

“Great,” I say. “I’ll call you later on in the week with the details.”

I hang up.

“So,” Sam says, “you have another date.”

“Sort of.”

“Well, since that date’s not today, what do you want to do with the day – watch the Mets game?”

“I don’t think I can,” I say.

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